It’s a common question and one probably considered by every family with multiple children. Should siblings share a room? Do you even have the option to give your kids their own bedrooms? Or maybe your kids actually prefer to have each other’s company all night. Regardless, there are multiple reasons and benefits to room sharing.
Call us crazy, but our five boys all share one bedroom.
(Don’t miss our room photos at the end… disclaimer: we’ve not yet finished decorating.)
The Backstory
Put plainly, we do not have the option to give our kids their own bedrooms. Finding a 6 or 7 bedroom house in San Diego not only doesn’t exist in most parts of town, but it would be extremely out of our budget even if we found one. But all five kids in one room? While we did it out of necessity because of lack of space, we firmly believe that siblings should actually share a bedroom. Even if we had the space, none of our boys would have a bedroom to themselves. Here’s why.
Benefits to Siblings Sharing a Bedroom
Relationships/We Are a Team
When siblings share a bedroom they are able to develop closer relationships with one another. They truly know each other on a personal level. Because rooms are shared, there is no hiding alone in a bedroom when upset, because that room isn’t only theirs to take possession of. Being around your brother or sister who is visibly upset is a great way to increase empathy. It’s also setting siblings up for a lifetime of friendship.
There’s also the idea of shared space, and working together to keep it clean and tidy. Team work really comes into play here as siblings learn to take turns with cleaning, be more considerate of their roommate’s preferences, and how to tackle everything from laundry, to decisions about wall art.
This isn’t to say that it will all go over smoothly – our five boys argue and the cleanest of the bunch often finds himself frustrated with the lack of cleanliness and work ethic of everyone else (by comparison). However, this is the training ground on both ends. Some children will need to learn patience, working with others, and how to properly express their needs and concerns. Other children will have to work on empathy, doing their part, and serving others.
Patience/need to learn to respect others
Patience is huge when it comes to siblings sharing a room, and there is a lot of room for learning to respect one another. Sometimes younger siblings don’t understand that they can’t just take their older brother’s toy, or their sister’s clothes whenever they want to. But just like the earlier example of cleanliness, this is another great learning opportunity for everyone.
Some children may even be more private than others, and prefer to have time alone, not having others in their bed, or want to change in total privacy. These are all matters that room sharing forces kids to figure out. While that may not sounds like fun to you, patience and respect are vitally important skills to take into adulthood.
You Can’t Always Get What You Want
As in the rest of life, room sharing means that you won’t always get what you want. Especially if what you want is a room to yourself. But this is a great lesson to learn early on, so that our children are less susceptible to adult tantrums.
Because the room is shared, there is just physically less space for things like toys, clothes, and other trinkets. Regardless of where your budget stands, children will not be able to get every single thing they set their eyes on. Teaching a minimalist mindset helps tremendously with this, but overall just letting children know that their shared space doesn’t allow for as much stuff to accumulate will help them learn to adjust.
Problem Solving and Coping
Living in close quarters with siblings will naturally draw out disagreements. Not to fret – this is completely normal and also necessary. Talking through these issues helps your children learn conflict resolution and humility. Since they won’t always get what they want, they’ll have to learn to come up with the next best solution. Compromise.
Life naturally comes with it’s own upsets. Nothing is perfect, and as adults we often have to deal with “no’s” and changing circumstances. But what a better scenario than to have a live-in friend/sibling to help you through. And when the sibling is the conflict? Help them work it out. Their relationsip will be strengthened for it.
But What About…
Yes, there are certain drawbacks to room sharing. Children can get frustrated with the lack of privacy, having arguments over how much light to leave on at night, what sorts of sounds the others make, or that one child keeps a clean and tidy space while the other is a walking tornado.
But this is where the beauty of room sharing comes in. Is it easy? Usually, no. Yet the character that can be built from siblings sharing a room is something that will carry them through life.
Remember, one day your children will be grown and will most likely have to room share again at some point in their lives. Whether this looks like a college roommate or future spouse, chances are they will be sharing their bedroom for the majority of their lives. The time you have with them as children, under your roof, is their training ground for adulthood. It is vitally important to their futures that they learn conflict resolution, sharing, and empathy now, so that they don’t have to wrestle with these things later in life when they’re trying to make it on their own. It may feel easier to just give them their own space (if you’re able), but by having them share a room you are opening up a world of closer relationships, better communication and conflict resolution skills, and lifelong friendship.
The Fruit
While it’s not always been easy, the fruit of room sharing has been tremendous in our household. As a homeschool family, we naturally spend a lot of time together. Add on top of that and room sharing, some days it feels like we’re never apart. Having been raised mostly as an only child myself, this has been a HUGE adjustment for me, learning to share my space with so many other people. Heck, even I don’t get a room to myself! (Kidding… not complaining. I love sharing my room with my husband and often miss having my tiny babies in bed beside me.)
But seeing our family grow in patience, understanding, love and grace for one another has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. Keeping our boys in one room together forces them to work out problems they otherwise might just avoid, and it reenforces our minimalist way of life. Seeing the way our boys are learning to love and respect one another is my hope for a future of lifelong friendship and family togetherness.
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