It’s disheartening to come to a point where you realize that homeschool isn’t working. Many families throw in the towel and put their children in school because of the many trials and stumbling blocks they encounter. But what if there was another way?
I think that often families get stuck in one way of thinking, learning, and the application of homeschool that when it doesn’t work, they think they’ve failed. First, let me tell you YOU HAVE NOT FAILED! It’s just as simple as this: what you’re doing isn’t working. So what’s the solution? Well it’s actually kind of simple.
Try something else.
And if that isn’t working? Try another something else. And keep trying, and tweeking until you find your groove.
We’ve had a lot of trials in our 7 years of homeschooling our boys. There were a lot of threats to send children to public school to “show them how good they have it” (uhg I cringe when I think back on how many times I said that). There have been days of shouting. Days of calling it quits before it had even begun. Days of tears (from both myself and the children). Days when I felt inadequate, unqualified, and a complete failure.
The Turn Around
Honestly, it took a lot of trial and error to find what worked best for my family. We still haven’t “arrived” either, and I’d venture to guess that we never will. Every year our homeschool morphs into something new that better suits our preferences and ever-changing needs. But there are a few things I wish I’d known when we first got started.
You Don’t Need To Know Everything
You don’t need to be a teacher, know how to teach, or remember all of those things you forgot in your own education. Actually, it’s quite fine if you really remember nearly none of it at all. Can you read, write, and do basic math? Great! Then you are fully equipped to learn right alongside your children.
You Don’t Need To Have It All Figured Out
I mean, does anyone really have it all figured out? I would be willing to bet that most of us are just figuring it out as we go along. Sure, we might find a schedule or rhythm that works best for us, but nothing ever stays the same (especially with growing children), and so we are constantly having to change in order to best serve our family.
Learn Your Children
Okay, time to put your student hat back on. Yes, you mama. Becoming a student of your children means learning what makes them tick. What they’re good at, and in which areas they easily excel. It also means knowing their struggles, when to push, and when to back off. This is hard, because our kids are constantly growing – but this is also the beauty of being a student of your children, because YOU get to help them grow in confidence and character.
It’s Okay To Change
Changing what you’re doing is perfectly fine when your homeschool isn’t working. It’s also perfectly fine if you choose to do something that no one else is doing. You have to do what works best for your individual family, and forget what everyone else is doing. You do not have to use that curriculum that everyone else loves, if you don’t also love it. You do not have to enroll your child in that co-op that the other parents fawn over, if your family doesn’t love it. Find what you enjoy, find what helps your children thrive, and do that.
Our Story of Change
About two years into our homeschool journey I discovered homeschool styles (to learn more about homeschool styles you can check out this page). Not knowing what each style was all about, I took the test and dove into researching the style that came up as my top result, which was Charlotte Mason. The more I learned, the more I loved. I joined Charlotte Mason groups and looked for Charlotte Mason curriculum and dove deep into narration and all of the Ambleside Online books. About a year in, I realized that I really wasn’t a Charlotte Mason purist – there were a lot of aspects of that style that we omitted. But it was probably another 6 months later that I finally acknowledged that a lot of what we were doing actually wasn’t working for us.
All the CM mom swore by narration (recalling what was read/heard and telling it back in your own words), but it wasn’t bringing forth fruit for us. Many of the CM moms loved Ambleside Online’s free curriculum, and while many of the recommended books were great for us, many also were not and my kids were miserable as I kept plowing through with the promise of, “don’t worry, you’ll see the fruit, they’ll get used to it, just keep going.”
Actually it wasn’t until I went to the Great Homeschool Convention and sat in on a panel with Sarah Mackenzie, Pam Barnhill, and Colleen Kessler, that I was willing to let go of the final straws of Charlotte Mason that I was clinging to. When asked by the audience what style they followed, they all responded quite differently than I was expecting: not one of these veteran homeschool moms claimed to follow any particular style. My mind was blown.
Since then I’ve listened to many of Sarah’s podcast episodes that address alternatives to narration. And I was SO grateful to learn that I wasn’t alone in that narration wasn’t working for us, and that I could simply drop it and try something else. Crazy concept, huh? Well sometimes we really do just need that reminder that we don’t have to do what everyone else swears by, if it’s not working for our family.
Last Encouragement
If I can leave you with one last bit of encouragement for when your homeschool isn’t working, it is this: don’t throw in the towel on homeschool all-together. Don’t assume that homeschool isn’t working, just because your homeschool isn’t working right now. You can always try something new. Something radical, or just something different. Maybe even try deschooling for a while, and focus instead on connection and character. Once you find your stride, your homeschool and children will flourish, and I promise you’ll be glad you stuck it out.
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